All posts tagged: cancer

Numb

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Today marks four weeks since my mother lost her 2-year fight against cancer and I am still unbelieving that she is gone. I catch myself still thinking she’s a text message or phone call away, but she is not and I am then reminded of being motherless. I had never wished for death to come to my mom until I watched her suffer in her final days. It is a difficult thing to watch, the passing of a loved one, but in the end, I felt relief. The funeral director told me later that despite my mom’s death being difficult, my family was actually quite lucky. At first I was upset, but when he began to explain, I understood his point. For him, he’s worked with families where death was sudden and unexpected. In some of those cases, there is often regret because family and friends wonder if the person who’s passed on knew how much he or she was loved. Feelings and thoughts are sometimes left unsaid. With my mom, watching her health and her spirit deteriorate was difficult, but my family emptied our hearts to each …

Life Companion

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December 19, 2015, would have marked my parents 43rd wedding anniversary, but a week prior, my mom passed away.  Though it was a very sad occasion, I have come to terms that she is in a better place where she no longer experiences the constant pain in her body and is resting.  For the past five years she had been battling a few ailments (heart failure and cancer) which all involved multiple surgeries.  Through it all, my father, her husband and life companion for the past 50 years was by her side. Though my dad does not enjoy the doctor’s office nor the hospital, he would hold it all together just to be with her.  He would go anywhere my mom would take him, even if it meant not being in a place he was comfortable.  My mom would drag my dad to her weekly health classes to learn how to eat better, care for her body, and basically socialize with others who were also going through the same things as her.  My dad listened …

Weekly Small Pleasures #13

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It’s time, once again, to take stock and be grateful for those moments, big and small, that made this week amazing. Early Mornings – It was week #3 and I’m proud to report that I’m now getting up enthusiastically at 5:00 am. As a result of this newfound appreciation of dawn, I now enjoy the brilliant sunrises instead of lamenting how early it is or how tired I am. Tuesdays with Mom – I flew to Honolulu on Tuesday to meet my mom and dad for her doctors’ appointments. No matter how depressing it can get, it’s always nice to spend the day with my parents. Flying – This past Tuesday, I was reminded that I love flying. Unfortunately, the only long-distance traveling I’ll be doing in the next month is to Honolulu for a bunch of meetings and mom’s medical appointments. No matter. I enjoy the 45-minute commute. Macarons – Need I say more? Oishii desu ne! Cooking – Now that I’m working out regularly, I’m spending a bit more time in the kitchen, but because my schedule is getting tight, it’s forcing me to do a lot of food prep …

Weekly Small Pleasures (#11)

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It was a full week, but there were a few things that made it extra special. 1) Family – Even though I spent Tuesday in Honolulu with my parents going to medical appointments, it was also spent with aunties and uncles. One couple lives in Mililani and it’s been nice getting to know them throughout my mom’s medical hardships, since they lived on the continent when I was growing up. The other couple, who I consider my third pair of parents, lives in Arizona. It’s been along time since I last saw them, but I was reminded that thanks to them, I have a need for creative expression. 2) Twinsters – If you haven’t watched this heartwarming documentary, I suggest you do. I’ve already watched it twice on Netflix. Pop! 3) Nail Polish – After 40 years and hundreds of horrible do-it-yourself manicures, I’ve finally learned how to paint my nails. I always feel a lot more girly and feminine with some new nail polish, so I’ve decided to paint my nails every week. Yay! 4) Terrace House – I’m …

Weekly Small Pleasures (#10)

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1) Prince – While classmates were going crazy for Madonna and Mariah Carey, Prince was the one artist who was continuously present for the major milestones in my life. Even though his artistry was usually perceived as eccentric, his musical genius was undeniable. With his sudden passing, I dug out his CD’s this past week and relived my life, captured through his music. Mahalo, Prince. 2) Spending Time with the Parentals – I flew to Honolulu on Tuesday to go to doctor appointments with my mom and when we were done, we escaped to Pearlridge for lunch and a bit of shopping before heading over to the airport. Although I can be happy being with them anywhere, the hospital is becoming the norm, so getting out is always a good thing. 3) Friends – If you don’t know by now, I have the best friends. I don’t have a lot of them, but the ones that I do consider my closest friends, know everything about me and continue to stand by me and make me laugh. …

Growing Up, Growing Old

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I am an only child to young parents. They were barely 20 years old when they had me, which led to an extended family living situation so I grew up beside them, while my grandparents served as my second pair of parents until I went to boarding school at the young age of 13. Before my ʻūniki 1.5 years ago, my mom called me in tears. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she was scared. Over the course of the next 6 months, I would fly up to Honolulu, meeting my parents halfway, to attend the slew of doctors’ appointments, which coincided with her chemotherapy treatments. After chemotherapy, she underwent a double mastectomy and a stint of radiation. When she came through everything, we were told to hang tight for 6 months to make sure she was was out of the woods and being that my mom has been an avid runner for a long time, we were optimistic, but during recent check-ups, tests revealed that cancer had shown up in her liver and this time, there was less to …

Tough Love

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Seeing someone you love lying helpless on a hospital bed, attached to beeping machines and wearing a vomit-green gown will force you to reflect on your relationship with them. Why is it that times of tribulation are often the rare moments in life that provide pure clarity? Ever since I can remember, my grandma has always been hard on me. She shakes her head in disapproval when I come into her house with wet hair. She gasps when I jab my plate in attempt to use hashi. She forcefully offers me food until I concede, then criticizes my less than dainty appetite. My anti-red meat, vegetarian, gluten-free and vegan weight loss antics are constantly a topic of amusement to her. My grandmother isn’t a cold woman, but she never allows herself to be vulnerable. She has never told me that she loves me, that she’s proud of me, or that I’m beautiful. She’s never embraced me in her arms, combed my hair, sang to me, or shared stories from her childhood—all of the things my …

Daily Prompt: Placebo

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If you could create a painless, inexpensive cure for a single ailment, what would you cure and why? I first thought about writing about a cure for cancer because of its emerging prevalence in my family, but truth be told, finding a cure is an endeavor that demands our collective attention and resources. Most of us have experienced the havoc and devastation brought on by cancer in our own lives and in the lives of those we love, so as far as I’m concerned a cure is both long overdue and absolutely necessary. Instead, I’ve opted to write about something a little less serious… a cure for cowardice. I can remember many times in my life when I’ve stood at the precipice of brilliance and at the last minute opted not to leap, not to soar, not to risk. I’ve wondered what might have happened if I had taken the chance. One might argue “liquid courage” could achieve the same effect. Sure, the act of going through with things might happen with a shot of alcohol, but …