As March rolls in, it reminds me that 3 years ago I was about to have my son. I remember going through many emotions of fear and doubt but I did something get through it. For expecting mothers write a letter or journal your thoughts to your baby. Writing this before he was born just made it real. It also now helps me remember. While searching through my notes in my phone for an enchilada recipe I stumbled upon this:
March 07, 2013
Okay so I have about a week more and I should be giving birth to my first child. I didn’t think this would be coming to fruition. It’s one thing to talk, wish, imagine, but my goodness it’s for real . I’m gonna have a baby! So that’s one thing to think it but I have to survive the labor. Am I gonna handle like a champ or cry and tell them to just cut me? I want to see this baby! Will it look like me? Will it look like James? Will it be be easy or fussy?
Universe, thanks for the easy going baby and the most handsome little man I will ever meet. May he be smart, respectable but fun and inquisitive. Let him push James and me to our mental and emotional capacities. Let him make us better people. Let him be our best friend.
I loved you from the beginning and will love you till the end. We will surrounded you with love and laughter and that is all I can ever promise you. May I provide all that you need and more but allow you to grow to be able to achieve what we can not give you.
I don’t know what came over me as I wrote this, I forgot I even wrote it. I’m glad to know all my fears, questions have been answered and that the Universe heard all my wishes. It is a nice reminder of all my intentions to my child. I hope he will be able to read this one day and say “thank you mom for keeping your promises.”
As a follow up. Labor was painful and I requested for drugs as soon as I got to the hospital but had to wait 4 hours for the doctor to inject it. According to my husband, the needle was really long, I didn’t see it nor did I even feel it (the contractions really hurt). Epidural worked well for a good hour, enough for me to take a nap an rest and then it wore off. I requested more drugs which the nurse said I was still on. I was told not to push and allow the contractions to naturally push the baby out. I swear I was on my side grabbing on the the bed rails hanging on for dear life. At 530am, the night doctor switched with my OB and at 545, he prepped to deliver baby. With only a few pushes and I’m sure I was screaming like a mad woman at 5:56am my baby came shooting out.
Vans will be 3 years old in about a week. Heʻs the best thing that could ever happen to me and my husband. He reminds me to slow down when driving, not to listen to the same song over and over, not to talk too loud while his shows are playing on TV and most of all that I’m loved. Best life coach ever!